thoughts on service and leaning forward into life
some things i’ve been thinking about…
where am i really headed – i’ve hit this wall where my daily life doesn’t make sense compared to my spiritual life…i’ve come to terms (or maybe a loose understanding) of what it means in my head to really follow christ…and now the time has come to get that thought out of my head and into my hands…i know my current state is not the best place to put this calling to work, and into my hands – i’ve put myself in this 6 month window of waiting – or more accurately God has…
there are just too many thoughts coming into my head right now – i need to get some out – i’m not sure how God will use me, or my story, or my families story – but i’m more willing than i’ve ever been to be part of his story…
this 6 month window all started february 8th while walking down market street – it was one of the best times i’ve had communing with God in a long while, really searching the depths of my heart….i was givin a six month window to really chase after things, and not miss any opportunities to serve…
the challenge now is to wait – and not close my eyes…
so this is the beginning – a starting point…
i’m on this search to find the real me – looking for something to say “wow” about
it’s pretty clear what i’m called to do in the general sence, but i’m still searching for that unique call that will fully define the real me…
i’m interested in helping people, learning to love people, supporting those that are searching, and maybe getting excited about what’s going on again…
let’s get going
so I had this vision of sorts last night, seeing Chris Tomlin play in Lancaster. It was a great night of connecting with the Spirit, and neat to see so many going after God in song – Louie Giglio spoke…so back to my vision, the night started out with a Keith Green cover song of You Are the One – it sounded great, I have to find out who did that cover – [ok I just got this song on itunes, it’s by Jason Upton]…so Chris just really went after God as he lead everyone in worship, in his authentic, goofy, sincere, light-hearted, but very real sort of way…so I had this vision of him playing his piano towards the end of the evening – I was in the front row, stage left so I could see the reflection of his face on his piano – so my vision was that Chris is Keith to us…His songs have really gone beyond him and he’s still this humble guy…he’s certainly a voice of the church…and he’s really speaking the truth of God…I had this vision that Chris might be taken away early…
Mars Hill Church – Rob Bell – January 2007
“Why We Sing”
Passage: Psalm 71:23 – My Lips will shout for Joy when I sing praise to you – I who you have redeemed
Sometimes we sing because we feel like it…we have a song in us…and we can’t wait to sing
But sometimes we don’t feel like it – instead we need to say “I’m going to discipline myself” – I’m going to find something good to sing about…
Sometimes if we don’t sing, we’re going to sink further and further into despair…
One of the reasons we sing is to remind ourselves that it’s not about us – and we get to be part of it (God’s story)…
it was great to go sledding with eli and eden after coming home from work – they were so funny. Eden’s face got REALLY cold – she started to cry but still wanted to stay out in the snow – they were so bundled up they could barely walk….kids are cute in the snow…Eli made a snow angel but didn’t think it looked really good when he got up…
Sunday afternoon while the girls are sleeping, Eli and I had a little interview….
Why do you like to sing to God?
Because God loves me. And I think he likes it.
What’s your favorite thing to do?
Go to boomers?
Why do you pray?
Because God likes me to.
What do you like to pray about?
Thank you for our food.
Tell me about Jesus…
I don’t really know about Jesus.
What do you know about him?
Nothing.
You Know something!
because he loves you.
How do you know he loves you?
Because he loves everybody.
Why?
Because uh he uh uh he just he just um because he is big, and he loves everybody.
What’s your favorite Bible story?
When Jesus went on a boat, and he just fell asleep.
Then what happened?
I don’t really know anything else about it.
Why do you think we go to church?
Because we have to learn stuff.
Like what?
from Jesus.
Like what?
we um, I don’t really know anything about it.
Tell me about Jesus life.
That he loves us, he died
Then what.
He saved out of the dead.
What does that mean?
He didn’t, he came out of the dead. That’s the only thing I know about it, I don’t know anything else.
How are God and Jesus different or the same?
that those are different names. but they’re not different…they’re not different!
what do you want to be when you grow up?
a mail carrier
a mail carrier?
yeah – I don’t really know what I want to be when I grow up yet.
What other ideas do you have?
Eli’s questions for himself…
What favorite friend do you have a school?
uh, um um Ariana (she’s a girl)
what should we name the new baby?
I knew you were going to say that…um…Jaden
Why?
because I like that name. Are you just going to show mommy this?
What’s your favorite TV show?
Pinkey Dinkey Do
What’s your favorite thing to do with daddy?
Um…wrestle.
What’s your favorite thing to do with mommy?
Go to restaurants with her.
What about Eden?
I like to play with her. Like ping pong, Do you have anymore questions for me?
Sure, hmm….
I want you to write just “I Love You Mommy”….
Do you have anything else you want me to write?
nope, actually yea maybe – I wanna to write what is my favorite toy?
Ok, what’s your favorite toy?
My favorite toy is my blocks that are out right now that are on top of the cardboard box.
Why are they your favorite?
Because you can build with them, and I like building.
Maybe you can be a builder when you grow up?
Uh, I don’t really want to, because what if I like get hurt, or accidentally bang myself with a hammer or something. Are you still writing the stuff I said? Why, you have to be done now.
Ok.
I think I need to tell you a couple of more things….
What do you need to tell me?
Um….can you tell me some more questions?
Sure, what’s your favorite worship song?
Um, ABCDEFG.
Really? what else.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…I know that’s a night night song but I still like it.
What’s your favorite song we sing @ church?
I don’t know the names…maybe I can tell you one….um uh actually I don’t really know anything about that…but I have something to tell you – I know what I can say to mommy…make sure we pray at the party
What party?
At the party at school that I’m going to, the one I bought the pretzels for.
Should daddy buy a new guitar?
Maybe, but you have way to many guitars.
You think so?
yeah.
Really?
yeah. I think you got 4 or 5
I have an idea, oh man! – we forgot to buy science books @ Costco – oh man!
Tell mommy that I like to take my sox off.
Ok, talk to you later buddy.
What? why did you say that?
Because our interview is over.
Why did you say that? Daddy – I want to watch a kids movie – like Mary Popins or something…
Ok.
so last night it came to my attention that i haven’t been connecting emotionally with my wife enough…i sort of got caught in the everyday and forgot how beautiful she is, and that she is amazing…
i had breakfast with a good friend this morning, we talked about where God is leading us, and where he’s leading his people…i was reminded that God has put me in a place to care for people, especially my wife and kids…
then this awesome thing happened…we had talked over coffee too long as usual and i was headed to work after the rush…then i looked behind me and there was my wife – she really is beautiful, it was great to see here, but weird to see her almost in the context of a stranger – not being able to talk, but just look at each other and make some motions that didn’t make any sense…but God reminded me that my wife is beautiful…
after she turned left, off Lincoln, off my path to work…i was listening to this song (track #4 on Leeland’s album Sound of Melodies)…i’ve been listening to this cd non-stop for about a week, it’s great but it’s a little over produced – so i missed this song the first 10 or so times i listened to it…it made me wonder why we miss things the first time around, or the second or even the 10th….but this song (called Tears of the Saints)…just caught me off guard – how there are so many prodigal sons out there that need leading back home – it got me thinking of who i need to lead back home – to Christ….
then i met this awesome guy on the elevator – i never have anything good to talk about on the elevator – but today i did – because the pipes on my kitchen faucet froze…so i asked him if he had any good ideas on how to fix frozen pipes…joe had some great ideas – he said to get an electrical wrap at the hardware store….i’m really glad i had something significant to talk about on the elevator – like frozen pipes, the weather is way over rated…
sinners – on Christ we stand, reach out your hand (Leeland lyrics)
my wife is beautiful
so what am i really chasing after, i say all my hope is in jesus christ…but what does that really mean?…how is that going to play out tonight?
jesus christ, take my life, take all of me – i really want to put all of my hope in you – my future is you – my ambition is you – i know you won’t let me down – take my life, take all of me – you’re all i rely on – you cover my sin
i’m excited about tomorrow
The following thoughts are from Jarrett Stevens on his decision to leave Chicago and go full-time to 7[]22 in Atlanta…I’m thinking through a similar threshold in my life, and learning to trust more on God, while I’m really really trying to make a choice to follow….
Fear, if you are leading me there, that mean’s we are leaving here…fear
Am I consumed w/fear or consumed w/God?
pray/fast/seek God and see if he is leading us there…God is affirming, saying – “trust me – but you choose”…so we had to make a choice, I remember breaking down and bawling on the plane – because I didn’t want to choose – I didn’t want to trust God…I had a very real image of God holding my faith to fire – if so choose, choose – do you trust me? – We didn’t have all the answers, it was not going to be easier – but God was leading us – I choose to trust and choose to go…It hasn’t been easier – do we trust you that you brought us here?, that you are here?, that we trust you?…so much that’s good – but just because you say yes to God, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easier
Don’t let fear/anxiety consume you…be consumed by God, not circumstances…
there seems to be a lot coming at me right now…i’m trying to come to terms with this idea of the american dream – and that the first shall be last, and the last shall be first
“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:16
“Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first.” Matthew 20:16 – The Message
This is actually a parable about God’s generosity…and of man’s jealousy. I’m trying to explain to my 4yr old son that he doesn’t have to be the first one in the door, every time we come home. So I’ve been explaining this concept that the first shall be last, and the last first – but I had to pause, to consider the true meaning.
And it certainly relates to my current struggle…balancing wealth and faith. It’s really clear that I have too much “stuff”, and I spend too much time surfing the net for more stuff. It really is a bit consuming, and really hints at where I’m finding my satisfaction…
…although I’m becoming more satisfied with not really knowing what God has in store for me, but just accepting the fact that he’s good and has a unique plan for me. I’m ready to take a step of faith but that step is still really unclear to me. I don’t want to limit what God is calling me to do….I do know that God has gifted me for more than engineering…I have this passion for more right now – but God is calling me to be patient, to really listen to him, and I’ve been reminded not to miss chances to serve him in a new way…
eli wants to name the baby “Jaden”
eden wants to name him “squirmy wormy”
as I have been preparing myself to lead worship this week – the Amish massacre has been heavy on my heart – in fact – really hard to think about in light of singing to God
Thoughts that come to mind:
Anger, disbelief, satan, evil, confusion
Thoughts that don’t come to mind:
Forgiveness? That’s something that the families and Amish community have been dealing with. But sometimes hard experiences, difficult times and difficult thoughts, result in worship…
Amish grandfather: ‘We must not think evil of this man…
PARADISE, Pennsylvania (CNN) — A grieving grandfather told young relatives not to hate the gunman who killed five girls in an Amish schoolhouse massacre, a pastor said on Wednesday.
“As we were standing next to the body of this 13-year-old girl, the grandfather was tutoring the young boys, he was making a point, just saying to the family, ‘We must not think evil of this man,’ ” the Rev. Robert Schenck told CNN.
“It was one of the most touching things I have seen in 25 years of Christian ministry.”
Later…in article
Jack Meyer, a member of the Brethren community living near the Amish in Lancaster County, said local people were trying to follow Jesus’ teachings in dealing with the “terrible hurt.”
“I don’t think there’s anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts,” he told CNN.
Sam Stoltzfus, 63, an Amish woodworker who lives a few miles away from the shooting scene, told The Associated Press that the victims’ families will be sustained by their faith.
“We think it was God’s plan, and we’re going to have to pick up the pieces and keep going,” he told AP. “A funeral to us is a much more important thing than the day of birth because we believe in the hereafter. The children are better off than their survivors.”
My’s thoughts:
Not to get into Amish theology, but it is amazing how the tragedy has highlighted their faith – and specifically their quickness to forgive. It’s not every week that CNN has headlines revolving around faith and forgiveness. It reminds me that the evil in this world is right around the corner, but it also reminds me of God’s amazing mixture of justice and forgiveness – that combine to serve up grace.
I would not be so quick to forgive, if something happened to one of my children…
One of the things that amazes me about God’s forgiveness, is thinking about how difficult it is for me to forgive someone that has wronged me – I’m quick to serve justice – especially in my mind.
The scripture this morning certainly relates to God’s Justice (the ten commandments), but of course Paul reminds us that the Law has been fulfilled through Christ, ultimately God’s perfect laws and justice combined with our sinfulness – lead to God’s grace and forgiveness – encompassed in Jesus on the cross.
Shane Bernard testimony (during concert @ University of Delaware September 2006)
tomorrow is a really important day for you
sometimes we limit ourselves to two options: being called to business/and to church once a week —– or —– to full-time ministry – but we don’t need to separate our faith like this
read about life/love/considering nothing we have as our own/walking in a low and humble spirit
there is such an amazing platform that God has put in your life
consider your calling, alive to shout the greatness of God, brag about Jesus, and when we die is better
take advantage of tomorrow if you would, to preach the gospel to the brokenhearted…encouraging to find purpose
Derek Webb said he had a good season – studying the character of God in a systematic way – yet he observed that these were his most unloving years towards people…
“Systematic theology is only beneficial to us in so as far as God is in fact systematic – and know he is…but it was G.I. Packer who said that the only true biblical theology is a theology with loose ends all over the place, with the mystery left in tact….”
I want my life to count for Jesus, beyond my theology…
Greylias Worship 
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